Marriage Under Seige

Charles Murray has written a new book called Coming Apart where he examines the changes in American culture over the last 50 years.  One can argue with his suggestions of how we fix some of our cultural problems, but one cannot argue with the data he has collected.  He wrote a summary article in the Wall Street Journal providing some of his most startling findings.  Among them, he wrote, was one that strikes at the foundation of the American soul – the rapid decline of marriage.

The 2010 US Census confirms Murray’s conclusion.  The NY Times reported in December that one of the most startling findings in the 2010 census is that married households are not a minority in the United States.  This is a dramatic shift.  In 1950, 78% of American households were led by married couples.  In 2010, that number had slipped to 48%.

I have seen this trend first-hand in my own neighborhood in suburban Austin.  One of our next door neighbors is a single adult woman who has never been married.  The other next door neighbor is a single dad who has been divorced and is raising his daughter.  Our new neighbor across the street is a newly divorced father.  I am not throwing stones as these neighbors in any way.  I love them all and we are glad to call them friends.  I am simply making an observation of those living around us on our small cul-de-sac in middle America.

So, why is this decline happening and how do we stop it?  There is no doubt that our cultural values have changed – away from the importance and sacredness of marriage and toward the inevitability and reasonableness of divorce.  Because of the shift away from seeing marriage as a lifelong covenant and toward a legal contract that exists for the pleasure of those involved, less people see the value of getting married and more married people don’t see the problem with leaving marriage.  What are some good resources available to help us in our marriages and in our churches?

First, if you are married or single or thinking about marriage, I would highly encourage you to pick up Dr. Tim Keller’s new book on marriage called The Meaning of Marriage.  This is my new favorite book on the biblical view of marriage, especially as it is set in contrast to the current cultural view of marriage.  Dr. Keller and his wife Kathy give us great insights into the Scriptures and great insights into our culture.  This book will help you understand the ways in which your view of marriage has been shaped by our self-centeredness and our idolization of romantic love while giving you a contrasting beautiful picture of biblical commitment.  In addition, as Dr. Keller always goes, he shows us how the gospel of Jesus Christ is both the best tool for understanding the meaning of marriage and for actually living faithfully in marriage.  While books like Love and Respect by Dr. Eggrichs are immensely helpful and practical in working on your marriage relationship, Dr. Keller’s book is one of the best in pushing back against the message we are hearing about the institution of marriage itself.  I highly recommend this book to you to read with your spouse to get a greater grasp on what marriage is, why it is important, and how we can should live in it.

Second, if you are a pastor or church-leader, I would recommend a new resource developed by Family Life.  Family Life has hosted weekend marriage conferences for years called Weekend to Remember.  Barie and I have been to two of these conferences and really enjoyed them.  However, we always wished that more of our church families could attend.  Well, Family Life has taken their best material from their Weekend to Remember speakers and put together a DVD-based resource for churches called The Art of Marriage.  Barie and I were blessed to attend a weekend retreat last week hosted by another church where these videos were shown.  I can testify to the quality of this resource.  I was really encouraged by the professionalism and helpful biblical teaching in these videos.  I am going to propose to our elders that we host a marriage weekend for our church in 2013 and use these videos.  I would encourage you to think about doing something similar.

It is important for all of us to know the forces that are at work against our own marriages and the marriages around us, both so that we can stay faithful to our own commitments and encourage others to do the same.